


The Whole Beach's Your Photoshoot

by Brorito_Dorito_Daddy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Incest, M/M, Or something of the sort but Dave most definitely gets laid, Stalking, Stridercest Week, Tagging this is kinda weird, implied threesome, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 07:37:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9374753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brorito_Dorito_Daddy/pseuds/Brorito_Dorito_Daddy
Summary: Dave secretly captures Dirk and D partaking in shenanigans on the beach of both the innocent and risque sort, then gets wound up into participating in an impromptu photoshoot once he emerges from his hiding place.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Eighthchiharu for the approval of Alpha Dave wearing daisy dukes.  
> You can also read Here at Soft-Serve-Strider.tumblr.com/post/156018998350/the-whole-beachs-your-photoshoot

“I’m here for the Strider press. Mind telling me why you two romantic douchebags are out on a sunset stroll?” a mockingly pretentious voice calls out as footfalls near the aforementioned couple sprawled out in the soft sand of the small beach. The sun casting soft pinks and yellows on their forms and the surrounding stretch.

 

“Hey yo, this is private property. All the paparazzis or journalists may unkindly fuck off,” Dirk rises lazily from his sandy bed. Face unseen as it is blocked by D, who is sitting in front of him. D himself doesn’t break his shaded gaze in the direction of the water. Merely sitting up more as Dave continues to walk over and plops right in front of the two as Dirk assumes an upright position.

 

“Relax, this is off the record,” Dave smirks as he cradles his camera and pretends to take a few more pictures, while Dirk makes grabby hands for the device.

 

“Did you actually get any good shots, creep?” D snarks as he grabs the camera from Dave and examines the album. A puzzled expression comes over his face soon after.

 

“Well, with you two all runnin’ and dancin’ around on the beach, I couldn’t get any majestic pics until Dirk’s face was all up in your crotch. Then, it was free game,” Dave yawns and stretches. Cramped after spending so much time kneeling in a patch of broadleaf palms. D continues to review the pictures. The only ones that weren’t blurred to hell, just as Dave said, were of Dirk indeed pulling down his fabulous daisy dukes and greeted by the good old pocket rocket.Then of Dirk indulging said rocket. Enveloping that space explorer with it’s prime environment. Ready for the rocket to explore where countless rockets have gone before. It’s gonna blast of right in the depths of space, and by space, he means Dirk’s hot mouth. Good times, good times. He hands the camera back to Dave, but Dirk steals it first. Going through the same stages of confusion, then of subtle embarrassment, as he recounts the events through the lenses of another.

 

“Well, it’s the aesthetic that counts,”

 

“The aesthetic of blurry ufo pictures that clear up into two guys prancing all willy-nilly at the seaside. Yes, that aesthetic,” Dave snorts. “D, I don’t know about you, but, I wanna retake.”

 

At this, Dirk hands back the camera. Dave cradles it between his crossed legs before shifting into a kneeling position.

 

“And I’ll be the director this time,” Dave adds as he ushers Dirk to scootch closer into the line of shot. Dirk obeys, albeit hesitantly.

 

“Okay, so, what do you have in mind?” Dirk inquires once he has situated himself right next to D. Sitting on his legs and hands tucked in his lap.

 

“Well, for you, subject numero uno,” Dave starts, gesturing to Dirk in a rather bored manner, “I think something relaxed, but not sleepy might work. Lazy, that’s it. Enjoying the view.”

 

“I would be enjoying the view if it wasn’t for your ugly mug blocking me,”

 

“ _You_ have an ugly mug,” Dave spits back

 

“Dude, you’re twins. You both have ugly mugs and call it a day,” D sighs at their childishness.

 

“I happen to be very proud of my mug.” Dirk responds almost hurt. “It won first prize at the ceramics fair.”

 

“I’m going to throw your mug in the ocean, so there.” Dave mimics stealing Dirk’s “mug” and casting it away into the waves. Dirk retialites with the exact same gesture, but as he pretends to throw it, he wobbles forward and topples over. Half on Dave as they both collide into the sand.

 

“You’re gonna break my cam, dumbass!” Dave struggles to be rid of Dirk and sit up again, but alas, he will not be free so easily. Dirk grabs onto him and keeps him pinned down with everything he’s got.

 

“Who calls it ‘cam’ anyways?” Dirk grunts as he keeps Dave on his back. Climbing over his thighs to pin him down more equally as Dave fights with decreasing strength. Dirk has got him under control in seconds with his superior power while D stares on. Finally reaching over to take the camera from the sand beside Dave. Brushing it off gently.

 

“Sorry, kiddo, I don’t think you’re ready to be a director yet, but, I think we have something to work with.” With that, he turns it on and readies for a picture. When Dave catches wind of this, he begins to struggle again, sputtering, “W-wait, no!”

 

It’s too late. The first snap has been made as Dave’s look of dismay and alarm melds into humiliation as Dirk holds him down for the shot.

 

D begins to direct Dirk on how to hold Dave, from merely pinning him to the sand, hands above his head submissively, to finally getting his compliance and allowing Dirk to pose him as D wants. Sitting in Dirk’s lap, holding his waist as he gives an annoyed look over his shoulder, which could almost pass for possessiveness. At least he can have the satisfaction of smothering Dirk in his collar as Dirk leans forward and holds his hips as well to keep balance as D snaps away.

 

Dave’s annoyance becomes impatience soon enough.

 

“Look, are we done posing me like a Victoria's Secret advertisement? There’s sand near my butt, and it’s migrating like a dune crawler.” He snaps as Dirk holds Dave’s head in his lap. Dave laid out, pushing back his hair and practically staring down the horizon over his tucked up leg. The other stretching out as he wiggles his toes as a sign of restlessness.

 

Dirk and D start to snort and giggle.

 

“First of all, I would say this style was more of [Abercrombie and Fitch](http://www.thefashionisto.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Jason-Caselton-Abercrombie-and-Fitch-Model.jpg) ad campaign photoshoot, than Victoria’s Secret. You aren’t nearly prominent enough at the hips to ever be on their ads.” D scoffs jokingly.

 

“Well, there’s always the photoshop scandals,” Dirk chimes in.

 

“You mean the tricks of all ad trades,” D quips.

 

“True.”

 

“But back to me.” Dave almost whines. “Can we go and do this elsewhere or some shit?” Drawing his legs up to his chest and becoming a little ball before Dirk. “Please?”

 

Dirk and D raise their eyebrows at the interesting proposition but Dirk responds first. Looking down to Dave with something akin to curiosity as he speaks.

 

“Are you suggesting a more ‘secretive’ photography session? Dave, if I didn’t know any better,” his expression breaking into a mischievous smirk, “I would say you like this.”

“Shuddup,” Dave growls low as he points out the obvious, “You like it too.”

 

Dirk’s smirk becomes infuriatingly confident. Stupid pretentious know-it-all.

 

“Very well. Shall we continue this in somewhere of more... _privacy_?” Specifically drawing out the word to make Dave more flustered as he looks up to D who meets him with the same expression. Completely in cahoots now as they become more absorbed in the act of making Dave suffer in as many ways as possible.

 

“I agree. Dave is looking in need of a more _comfortable_ environment.”

 

“Sometimes I question why I question the fact that we’re related,” Dirk sighs as he helps Dave up off his lap. Once freed, he starts off to the boardwalk while Dave follows. The twin muttering curses and brushing off his legs along the way.

 

D stands and looks after them for a while. Admiring the now purple tone of the sun and how it dyes their blonde locks a beautiful lavender color before being called out to hurry up and get a move on.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.” D wipes down his legs and starts off towards solid ground.


End file.
